Run-site: Dutch Connection at Sawadee Thai Restaurant (Jln Tekali, Ulu Langat)
Hare: Dutch Lady
Co-Hares: Milkmen and Clogmen
Scribe: Liz Tan
Comic: Lai Foo Weng
Directions: Ulu Langat Sawadee
Coordinates N 03.06.730 E 101 49.644
1. Get to the Cheras - Kajang Highway
2. After the Batu 9 toll, take next left (Exit 702) and set tripmeter at end of slip road.
3. Turn left and drive 900m to traffic lights then turn left onto Jln Hulu Langat (B52).
4. Drive 7.4km then turn right at traffic lights by mosque onto Jln Sungai Tekali (B116).
5. Drive 1.7km and then turn right into the Sawadee 88 restaurant.
5. TURN LEFT INTO THE BOTTOM CAR PARK (plenty of space in the back). SAVE THE UPPER CAR PARK FOR OTHER CUSTOMERS !
Those of you in east KL, find your way to Ulu Langat from Ampang. It's quicker.
On On - you guess !
While you are waiting to connect with the Dutch, here is a little guide on how to deal with Dutch people
(1) As a foreigner, don't ever try to speak Dutch. Not only will you get an enormous headache but the Hollanders will not understand what you mean. Foreigners are supposed to speak English or Gibberish. In the latter case they will be an easy target for pickpockets since they will not be able to talk to the police.
(2) Don't ever try to eat 'drop'. (Dutch Licorice) Drop is a sort of candy that can only be eaten by Hollanders. It can be recognized by the colour: black. The taste is a blend between earwax and paint (black). Hollanders absolutely adore the stuff and eat many kilos of it. There is a nationwide conspiracy to look at the faces of foreigners that were made to believe the stuff is actually edible.
(3) Don't buy wooden shoes. They will look completely ridiculous. Which is the reason they will try to sell them to you. A Hollander himself would not want to be found dead wearing them. (Preferably a Hollander doesn't want to be found dead at all).
(4) Mills are inevitable. There are no hills to hide them. The latest version sits on a dike in the sea and is called wind farm. There are lots of dikes, dykes, Van Djiik, Van Dike in Holland. It's a cool idea, but would not work in other countries where calling someone or something a dyke or dike is deemed to be pejorative sexual profiling.
(5) When visiting Holland, it is not necessary to fake interest for tulips, mills, wooden shoes or cheese. Every Hollander knows you came for the soft drugs and the Amsterdam red light district. Both are widely spread and easy to find. Just ask any Hollander over age 6 or an English tourist.
(6) Hollanders do not like spending money. They would rather cut off an ear (see Van Gogh) . A Hollander will be your friend for life if you give him something for free. The story that copper wire is an invention of two Hollanders fighting over a found one cent coin is absolutely true.
(7) Holland is small. It is sometimes rumoured that Holland is so small they take it inside when it's raining. This is not true because it rains 365 days a year. This also explains the wooden shoes: they float. Yes, Holland is small and Hollanders are very proud of it. They will use any opportunity to say that Holland accomplished such great things for such a small country.
(8)The most important way of public transportation in Holland is the bicycle. Feel free to take any bike of which you can pick the lock. Just don't expect your own bike to be in the same spot where you parked it 3 minutes earlier. In Holland, hunting season for bikes is open 365 days a year. Good luck!
(9) Dutch food is very bland, which is why they prefer Thai or Indonesian food, hence the Sawadee restaurant for the Dutch Connection OnOn. Which is probably smarter than a bunch of Englishmen trying to fry fish and chips in the jungle ! On On !